Welcome
to HMlife column on INSPIRAREE. My name is Dafe Smith Snr. I'm an Entrepreneur,
Relationship Coach, Minister and Author of “The Forgotten Vow”. I strongly believe that God can bring anybody
into your life; however, it takes deliberate effort & commitment to make it
work.
HMlife
is geared towards building a godly and healthy relationship between spouses,
through applicable information from the word of God. It is my belief that if we
all within our collective effort, strive to build a godly and healthy
relationship, we will have a better community, a better state and a better
nation at large.
However
the challenge is that people don’t yet understand the concept of having a godly
and healthy relationship. I intend to use this forum to address some basic
issues and by God’s grace share insight as directed from God’s word.
It is a sad state of affairs when we take better care
of our cars and houses than we do to our relationships.
Let me
share with you briefly on how to bring out the best in your spouse.
Bringing The
Best Out Of Your Spouse:
As a rule, you
never bring out the best in someone by condemning & criticizing or verbally
assaulting someone. You bring out the best by love, by showing that you care. I'm not saying that you sweep things under the rug but wait for the right time & opportunity to deal with the negative actions or attitude.
For instance, if your husband is not treating you with much respect as you know he should, don't sink down to his level & act disrespectful as well. No, sow a seed. Treat him respectfully anyway & watch that man begin to change. He may do a thousand things you don't like but find the one thing on which you can compliment him & encourage him for that.
Human beings respond to treats-especially when we are treated to praise, admiration & appreciation. Husbands & wives should be each others cheerleader. Take time to praise your spouse. Take time to compliment his or her effort. Don't get lazy in this area; learn not to take each other for granted.
Dafe Smith Snr
Relationship Coach.
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What
are hedges? Hedges are boundaries. In Mark 12:1 Jesus said, “A man planted a
vineyard and set a hedge around it.” First, the man planted a vineyard. Think
of your marriage
as a vineyard. You “planted” it the day you said, “I do”. Next, the man in the
parable placed a hedge around his vineyard. Why? Several reasons: to protect
it from intrusion by animals and thieves; to keep his vines inside his
vineyard; and to separate his territory from his neighbors.
A hedge makes the statement, “Private Property, No Trespassing.” The symbolic hedges around our marriages serve the same purposes. As a married couple, your goal as co-owners of your vineyard, is to keep the good things in—and the bad things out. These HEDGES consist of simple principles that will protect your marriage from external invaders and internal discontent. They are all action words:
Hearing: Listening and speaking with patience and understanding;
Encouraging: Helping each other in thought, word, and deed;
Dating: Keeping it fresh and fun. Build a life that celebrates marriage;
Guarding: Agreeing on your boundaries—and enforcing them;
Educating: Becoming an expert on your mate;
Satisfying: Meeting each others needs.
Planting the Hedges:
Gardeners know that maintaining a hedge is an ongoing task. But first, you’ve got to plant the hedge. And any gardener will tell you that when planting something, one of the most important considerations is the condition of the soil. Assuming that Christ is the soil of your marriage, all the hedges, in order to grow to maturity, must be planted in Him. If you’re married to a non-Christian, your hedges and your hearts may be divided, creating conflict about the location of boundaries for your marriage as well as large gaps in those boundaries. You’ll need to be willing to find creative ways to maintain your Christian “soil” without discounting your mate’s needs.
A hedge makes the statement, “Private Property, No Trespassing.” The symbolic hedges around our marriages serve the same purposes. As a married couple, your goal as co-owners of your vineyard, is to keep the good things in—and the bad things out. These HEDGES consist of simple principles that will protect your marriage from external invaders and internal discontent. They are all action words:
Hearing: Listening and speaking with patience and understanding;
Encouraging: Helping each other in thought, word, and deed;
Dating: Keeping it fresh and fun. Build a life that celebrates marriage;
Guarding: Agreeing on your boundaries—and enforcing them;
Educating: Becoming an expert on your mate;
Satisfying: Meeting each others needs.
Planting the Hedges:
Gardeners know that maintaining a hedge is an ongoing task. But first, you’ve got to plant the hedge. And any gardener will tell you that when planting something, one of the most important considerations is the condition of the soil. Assuming that Christ is the soil of your marriage, all the hedges, in order to grow to maturity, must be planted in Him. If you’re married to a non-Christian, your hedges and your hearts may be divided, creating conflict about the location of boundaries for your marriage as well as large gaps in those boundaries. You’ll need to be willing to find creative ways to maintain your Christian “soil” without discounting your mate’s needs.
Dafe
Smith Snr
Relationship
Coach
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Guard Your Marriage with Affair-Proof Hedges (2): Safely Inside The Hedges
When I talk with people who are having relationship troubles, one of them usually says, “I’m bored—our relationship isn’t very exciting anymore. All we ever do is talk about the different challenges we are having (bills) and watch TV. And you’ll hear the other party say “I know everything my spouse is going to say before he [or she] says it. We’re in a deep, predictable rut. I need some excitement!”
Can you guess where they go to get their thrills? Yep, outside the hedges! That’s why it’s important to have some outside interests to talk about. Have your own “well” of experience to draw from. Keep your relationship watered with new information—both spiritual insights and unique, interesting activities.
A relationship that is well watered will have deep roots and will withstand the storms of life. If your relationship is in a drought, however, and its roots are weak and shallow, then the wind and erosion (life’s problems) will damage and eventually destroy your marriage. So keep your hearts safely inside your strong, healthy hedges. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do." Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
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When I talk with people who are having relationship troubles, one of them usually says, “I’m bored—our relationship isn’t very exciting anymore. All we ever do is talk about the different challenges we are having (bills) and watch TV. And you’ll hear the other party say “I know everything my spouse is going to say before he [or she] says it. We’re in a deep, predictable rut. I need some excitement!”
Can you guess where they go to get their thrills? Yep, outside the hedges! That’s why it’s important to have some outside interests to talk about. Have your own “well” of experience to draw from. Keep your relationship watered with new information—both spiritual insights and unique, interesting activities.
A relationship that is well watered will have deep roots and will withstand the storms of life. If your relationship is in a drought, however, and its roots are weak and shallow, then the wind and erosion (life’s problems) will damage and eventually destroy your marriage. So keep your hearts safely inside your strong, healthy hedges. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do." Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
Dafe Smith
Snr
Relationship
Coach
interesting piece
ReplyDeleteSo true. Having a good maintenance culture doesn't end with material things. It certainly also includes things of the spirit as well as relationships. Relationships need to be nutured to grow and/or improve.
ReplyDelete